Archive for June, 2012

it no flat no mo

Posted in Timely on June 27, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

Surfers of fortune “discovered” that the wave has begun its merry churn towards delightfully rippable. Unfortunately, it will take a lot of rope trimming and hedge shaping to prevent it from another slide to pancake status. Tough work for the tradesmen, but it can be rewarding, especially for the community. And you! Yeah you. You are aware the rope was 100% responsible for the disappearance of the wave? Paddling can be an asset in surfing, I’ve heard, and the best tip for catching this habitat 67 static wave; “fish oil second only to duck when it comes to wave slithering.” Line up to get down, yo.

A slight rehash of the 7am wave report:
Bird Rage: 7/10 – the chicks musta hatched, not a single talon-to-scalp strike.
Water Quality: 2/10 – full on garbage soup with a hint of rotten onion.
Crowd: 10/10 – champagne, cocaine and peelers, for it was a celebration.
Wave: 9/10 – shake it if you’ve got it.

stacks on deck; patron on ice; we can pop bottles all night


“It’s like a time warp out there!”

Posted in Current Events Class on June 26, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

Very little remembered, so let’s just sing along to some classics.

“Cuz uncle sam aint the baker, he’s the butcher.
An’ we’re all on punk’d with no Ashton Kutcher.”

“Que tes mains – frolet mes seins. Et mon Coeur, qui est le tien.
Mon amour. De toujours – Patience, Le Decadanse.”

“I’m going down. My nose is in the sand.
I’m going down, down baby. My nose is in the sand.
A cloud of dust just came over me and I think I’m drowning on dry land.”

“Shake your head it’s empty”

Dandurand Fortune Cookie Dunning Dep’ Love

Posted in ery on June 25, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

Introduced and heralded by Birdman, brewed in New York, under supervision by a QC brewery, reppin’ tax-dodging export-import status, like Kahnawake smokes eh; Saint Laurent is a $7.21 (including tax and deposit) six pack that actually tastes like something, yet goes down faster than a blonde d’Été.

“Hey! Isn’t there supposed to be someone attached to this thing?”

Posted in Tourist Information on June 24, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

“I just got a great shot of Uncle Tito!”
“Where is Uncle Tito?”
“Don’t know, can’t see him.”
“Do you see him?”
“No, I don’t see him.”
“Oh, maybe that’s him.”
“He’s waving his hands and has no board.”
“Do you see his board?”
“Oh $hit!!!”

So, there’s that nifty little piece of rope that helps attach the leash (or leach, in localspeak) to the board. It’s been said that tightening this little piece of rope is quite important. It’s also been said and proven that Lachine is a board wrecker. Therefore, it goes without saying that the ideal place to break in a custom, unsurfed Glenn Minami is in Lachine. Whether or not you get to surf the board a second time is a matter decided by Last Chance Island swillers. Unfortunate factoid: stay calm and complete the 10 minute rock drag and 30 minute swim back to shore or panic and slip below the waves

stayin cool

Posted in Current Events Class on June 23, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

like. brok—en glass under my feet.
i can lose my mindddd. in this heat.

In-Group Bias

Posted in ery on June 20, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

Them: MEC members, granola bars, Nalgene©bottles of water, sponsor & crew stickered up buckets, latest & greatest matching ‘yaks, matching life jackets, jet ski assist, no lighters and no matches.

Us: Kijiji warriors, smoked meat sangers, deal-of-the-day tall cans, mix of full and receding hairlines, damaged boards and fins, nothing matching, paddle power, toots, backup lighters.

No hatin’ just sayin’.

Full Day Grind

Posted in seasonal life style on June 19, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

20min commute by Volvo. Tunnel FILLED with silica dust.

Sunriser session.

Stash boards in 7th ave compost.
Drink Gatorade. Seriously.

25km commute by velo with honorable Strava results.
Work and sleep on park bench – Drool and miss alarm kine sleep.
25km commute by velo with less remarkable speed.

Pineapple and a PR.
Sunset session.
Share last piece of free cheese pie from Almondo.
20min commute by Volvo. Tailgate-sized hole now repaired.

Any-way to escape mid 30’s heat with 5 star humidity.