Jim Beam Econ

Here, we introduce a key player in the consumerism game: the short term, vulture capitalist, culture milking, small business.

The shop was still closed at 10:30am on a Saturday, with no posted hours, so I returned at 12:30 to try my luck.
“Sorry sir, we don’t have an extra tubes to sell.”
-what the fuck does that mean?
-the anodized chains, throwback jerseys and hideous bars and tape displayed made my stomach weak.
-it didn’t even smell like a bike shop.
-ok, I will just visit a bike store that sells such foreign things.
So, I wheeled the Pacer around in search of another shop.
Success, the other shop sold tubes!
Installed in a jiffy with a butter knife in place of a tyre iron.
Regrettably, I returned to the original shop to see if I could hustle some air.
“no, you can’t use our floor pump, but we have a compressor outside you can use.”
“do you happen to have a presta adapter?”
“yes, but it will cost you $2.50 and you get to keep it!”
“oh, I already have one at my apartment, I suppose I’ll walk back and get it.”
Eyes rolled and an absurd laugh came out.
Shop douche #1 didn’t budge.
And so, I ran home, grabbed my adapter and returned to the shop.
Slowly filling the tubes, watching for bulges, shop douche #2 opens the side door.
“Ugh, sir, can you please hurry up, when the compressor runs, it disturbs the clientele.”
-I grasped for an English translation of his statement.
-look, bro, can I call you bro, we only offer this precious air to people who ride fixies. tips his latte. your speed racer thing has gears and that is so uncool when hamming it up amongst my crew and I who have been riding since yesterday. if you took the water bottle cage off, installed some purple deep v’s, we can talk, but you don’t even have a freshly cut, full sleeve tattoo, your swagger has no game? I don’t even know why I’m talking to you. my friends and I are gonna laugh at your
lack of street cred while we drink PBR’s this evening.

You really have to admire the small business; Unless they possess a shitload of capital upon startup, they are already bent
over, cheeks spread wide when securing a bank loan. Rental terms are often unreasonable due to the high volatility associated with small business. And they base their bottom line on following a trend within an already booming local cycle business.

To their defence, the amount of pot holes on the streets these days do warrant the occassional skid.

“Fuck them and all that they love.” E. Wu

I assume they’re are open on Sunday’s – no REAL bike shop is open on Sunday.

Friends don’t let friends buy their first ever fixid gear bicycle between 2006 and 2012.

Methinks the landlords would agree.


6 Responses to “Jim Beam Econ”

  1. Servant Leo Says:

    No call-outs. The League only gives praise, for Rio Morbio at 11000 is easily one of the most successful journey’s one can make in the East. At least a close second to La Ronde.

  2. first fix in 2006, can you please adjust your date range accordingly

    hoping my busted ankle can handle pedal spinning…

    • l'anglais Says:


    • Die Morgenlandfahrt Says:

      The League is pleased you have chosen to confess your sins.

      “I now turn to you, my officials. You have heard and know how things have been with League brother [Birdman]. It is a lot that is not unfamiliar to you; many of you have had to experience it yourself. The defendant did not know until this hour, or could not really believe, that his apostasy and aberration were a test. Brother [Birdman] was led to dispair in his test, and dispair is the result of each earnest attempt to understand and vindicate human life.”

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