Archive for January, 2012

THEM terrorists

Posted in Trippin` on January 31, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

“The only way to render a word meaningless is to overuse it.” L’Anglais

We came, as terrorists, to the land of cheap smokes, CB radio, bingo, AC/DC and Pil. The internet confirms other less obvious suspicions; that being, at one time pec was THE MECCA of canning in Canada and still a fine place to find ‘Million Dollar Relish’. “Probably get your photo in the paper, paddling out down that way. A right at Mac’s Milk, then hook a left after passing the liquor store” said Marv(real name Fred), who also entertained with personal best ski speed records and 120 foot ragdoll crashes, high(literally) in The Rockies. “I know Marv was lying about the directions, cuz with that nose and that facial capillary damage, he NEVER passes a liquor store” cautioned L’Anglais.

We flew, as terrorists often do, through cottage country to Punta Salmonero, gracias fellow river sufferer. Disobeying private property signs, laws and obvious non-Mohawk land claims, as terrorists often do, we observed wind slop and limestone slabs. Cold, burly, sketchy and wonky immediately came to mind, along with thoughts of locals capping terrorists with shotgun blasts. Bang! Bang! But, in the true spirit of terrorists, seeking lofty goals, we trudged on to more geographically promising points. “Ha, glad I didn’t bring my shovel, waste of space, didn’t think we be digging out of too many snow banks.”  Minutes later arrived the great blizzard of 2012 and subsequently, the driving was replaced by actual trudging and we spun like Dorothy back to the original spot.

Beer, bbq and cross border navigation(as terrorists often fly) followed, until we were back in the land of the FLQ, spreading propaganda and chaos, generally. For Sludge Soda bubbles, boils and thrives like Gremlins in a culture of conservatism and fear, generally.


“I’m the Best, Yes”

Posted in diatribe on January 21, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

Watch The Throne – A Review

The thing most people don’t realize about Jay Z is that he is the bastard child of a conservative Ronald Reagan and Oprah Winfrey romp. That particular heritage is extremely evident when you look at his neo liberal economic theories and unwavering commercial tendencies: Rich white dudes idolize Rolex – So does Jay Z. Pro consumers lacking taste buds idolize Grey Goose and Patron – So does Jay Z. Without exception, Jay Z has a bigger car than you and the model is also trendier. Fuck you. Without exception Jay Z wore Tims before you did, then stopped wearing them before you did, then started rocking them again before their style came ‘round again. Fuck you. Yawn.

And like Yellowman confirms “if you have a rooster, you must have a hen.” And by hen I refer to that ‘Ye clown, Kanye West for those fortunately not in the know, where do you get off? Secondly, where do you get off? And finally, where the fuck do you get off? Innumerable lyrical rip offs from both contemporary and historically gifted songwriters and rappers ranging from Bob Dylan, Etta James, Tony Starks and others I probably haven’t figured out yet. Since he is not technically a rapper, biting seems not a bother to his fragile ego. His original lyrics are somewhat moving:

Exhibit A (alienating the only people that actually BUY his music (and credibility)):  “LOLOLOL white America, assassinate my character, money matrimony, they tryna break the marriage up.”

Exhibit B: “they say I’m crazy, well, I’m ‘bout to go dumb again, they ain’t see me cuz I pulled up in my other Benz, last week I was in my other other Benz.”

Nas put it best when he demanded [to Jay Z] “how much of Biggie’s rhymes is gonna come out your fat lips?” Good question. Anyone else notice Jay Z’s lips have shrunk in recent years. Most people be getting collagen implants to puff up those lips like Angelina, but Jay Z is downgrading. Perhaps he is a trend setter and we’ll be all teeth by 2013?

And now I have to get serious here. What is it with all the headphone difficulties between these two? In at least 14-37 instances, we hear assclown A or B yapping at the producer “yo, turn my headphones up.” Cripes, I got a pair of $15 jobbies from Best Buy and they work fine, plus, I know where the volume knob is. Simpletons.

All in all, the album is the equivalent of listening to your neighbours scronk through paper thin walls; Once you start listening it’s difficult to stop, but if you didn’t hear it you wouldn’t miss it. I recommend Otis and Gotta Have It for a commercial superficial wealth Hip Pop sample of 2011 and the rest of garbage can be drowned in the St Laurence.

They call this hip hop? Read a book. On to the next one.

Amphib Recon: Portugal

Posted in Trippin` on January 10, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

2012 season not open

Posted in Current Events Class on January 9, 2012 by SLUDGE SODA

Jan 2 observation rcvd via txt: “River is flowin free…just like Mandela!”
Jan 3 observation rcvd via txt: “Global warming my ass tabarnac…I went to habitat and it looks like the North pole.”

Jan 9 observation: Add Falardeau to your daily meteomedia checks if you like snow.