the $287 shopping spree

“Bonjour!”
“Hey!”
Confusion slapped the RCMP officer’s face like sparkle-encrusted titties at the Solid Gold.
“You are speaking in English?”
“Yes I are (English – We Speak)”
“Did you ugh, notice, the ugh, speed limit dropped to ugh, 100 back there, ugh?”
“Absolutely!”
“But ugh, you were driving 133?”
“Yep.”
Green horn retires to car, calls mother to help with decision-making process, consults internet for how to write in lower case, scratches region formally known as nutsack before he joined the ranks.
“Well, I clocked someone going 144 km/h…”
“Ha! This is a family car – lucky it could break 120 – is there interest accruing on this ticket?”
“Ugh…”
“And what happens when I don’t pay it?”
“Ugh, I don’t know ugh…the next time you get stopped, ugh…”
Trails off, feeling silly and of course, still resembling a mental midget packing heat.
“oh, have a good trip!”
Yeah. Right. Eat a dick buddy.

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