Archive for July, 2011

THE story of L’Anglais – Part Deux

Posted in Profiles on July 31, 2011 by SLUDGE SODA

After our meaningful, yet short lived careers at the Club, I’d say it must have been a good decade or three before L’Anglais and I crossed paths again. Word through the concord grapevine had him down Alabama way picking cotton, grilling roadkill and running ‘shine. Sporadic coconut wireless tagged him off the coast of Corsica on a endangered butterfly expedition. Close friends and family thought they would never see him again.

As for myself, I gave up the soup game shortly after leaving the Club and shifted focus to dehydrated fruits. I unselfishly sunk my entire trust fund allocation into a patent on the concept of calling dried fruit, fruit leather. The dolts from Sun Rype revolted with Pinochet fury and I was forced underground. And wouldn’t you know it was through the marche sous-terrain that L’Anglais and I were reacquainted.

Destination Omak, travelling by night burro; calves, hams and back strapped with fruit leather, I was trudging along the dusty trails and sage-permeated bluffs over OK Falls when I heard the faint sound of bells. Nah, couldn’t be. I recalled L’Anglais’ penchant for hanging bells off the velcro on his shoes, but this was plain spooky. Sure enough, around the next bend I caught a glimpse of the old buzzard with a feline in tow.

We bumped fists, exchanged a couple trinkets then sat down to sample a fresh batch of his satsuma plum ‘shine. “They don’t call me Trent ’round here, it’s Two Rattler Ray, but that’s another story.” Turns out Ray had been on the run himself and it wasn’t from a hollow corporation, but the g-o-v to the mutha fuckin t. The revolutionary blue shine (trick was, post distilling, he put the plum skins back in the bottle which lent the batch an electric blue tinge – beautiful) he developed was in hot demand, but the VQA bastards were sinking their collective baby dicks into the Cdn vineyard markey in a Monsanto SEEK AND DESTROY way and no Eastern, multi-linguist was gonna cut in on their profits. No Sir.

“What about the girl” I asked. Apparently, the Inkameep locals had offered safety and taken him under their wing with the sole request that he round up virgins for ceremonial purpose. Going back 400-600 years the locals had been tagging McIntyre bluff in a viscous turf war reminiscent of the days of wild style and more recently, local NDG mooks, but now they were all hot for sacrificing virgins off the nearly 1km high cliff to keep the rattlesnake population at bay. This was probably the least ethical job I’d EVER heard L’Anglais taking, but I suppose his hide was at risk and the unlimited pemmican rashion was pretty enticing.

The ‘shine buzz had fully taken over my mind and the body wasn’t far behind. I had a run to make. Ray had a virgin to take. We said adios and parted ways for the second time under a new moon. I’ll never forget the last wise words Ray said to me…

done something rash – stage 2 – team time trial

Posted in Trippin` on July 30, 2011 by SLUDGE SODA

peaky. closeouts.
wobbly. points.
blinding. fog.
burning. sun.
hitting. skunks.
charcoal. barby.
summer. crowds.
wendy’s. frosty.
acadian. bocce.
acadian. language.
barnacle. feet.

going. back. soon.

Done Something Rash – Stage 1 — the prologue

Posted in Current Events Class on July 29, 2011 by SLUDGE SODA

here we go again. like a dog chasing his tail.
12hrs due east. but with a boomerang flight pattern.
and a forecast. that the wednesday regatta club would welcome.
will there be go gold? of course???
we convinced the twins to join us. and that will be a blast.
fins.
logs.
fish.
big tuna.
spacicle 1.
holiday inn.
bialetti.
pretzels.
life brand s&p peanuts.
thai chou salad.
key lime pie.
cuban straw hat.
new playlist: randy’s tiki bar.
wetsuits. after of month of boardies. grrrrr.

Diver Cite dimanches: tales from the punchbowl du nord

Posted in seasonal life style on July 28, 2011 by SLUDGE SODA

8hrs passed at a beach(sic) only a short distance from a casino, all day picnic electronic and park of colourful characters often reveals a Petri dish of humanity. Sometimes it takes days to recall and process the whole fiasco. So here is July 14’s surf report journal entry. Late, like your teenage gf.

“I rowed into that last one like a dragon boat.” L’Anglais
Four shirtless pingers dance to pulsing techno under the bridge – that’s a first.
Big Rich T aims and fires nothing but over cropped mediocrity. Epic fail the kids might say.
Ma and Pa point-n-shoot nab some keepers to show the grand kids. Prediction for first wave of groms…the year 3030.
The big Dorado receives the hot coat then grass finish. Cutting edge designs or too much bud n clam juice?

“ostie, c’est encore le quartier Rosemount jusqu’au 167th avenue…”
Inebriated cougar asks in passing “is this the way to the cure surfer boys? Ben sur, mademoiselle, ben sur?
Doubly inebriated boyfriend nearly hugs me before gearing down and putting on a different type of shore dance. Zoiks!

“Man, it’s like the good old days today.” Martin Guava
Like the token jean guy at the ski hill, Sunday welcomed at least one running shoe surfer.
Man with life vest and snorkel passes hours in the murky exit eddy. It ain’t the stromatolite views found in the lakes of Ts’kw’aylaxw first nation territory.
A foreign camera crew is all business for about 20 minutes: frantically grabbing angles, shots and generally running amok. For what? The Laird only knows.

People eh.
The heat summons weirdness and I like.

Posted in Uncategorized on July 23, 2011 by SLUDGE SODA

facebook et nike ne font pas tres sludgesoda ….. mais check out le video fucination …. fou dans tete

Stick Sale

Posted in Sale on July 19, 2011 by SLUDGE SODA

Hate to do this, but, it’s time to sell one of my all-time favourite surfboards. My custom-made Guava. This board is a traditional shape with a diamond tail and a five fin set-up that allows you to run it as a thruster or quad. The board comes with a brand new Gorilla pad and some used (good condition) FCS H2 Quad fins.  The measurements are as follows: 6’3 – 18 & 1/2 – 2 & 1/4

For those of you who don’t know, Guava Surfboards was a bad-to-the-bone, Montreal-based shaper that is sorely missed. McGoon still rocks several Guavas all over the world, including in our dear polluted St.Lawrence.

My board is banged up but still in solid condition and definitely won’t de-lam like all those overpriced and overhyped Firewires out there. Also, it’s suitable for a variety of surfers and surf conditions. I’ve surfed it in 3 different oceans and 3 different rivers. Hell, the more I write about it, the less I want to sell it. Get at me before I change my mind! Best offer nabs it!

west coast inspirations

Posted in ery on July 17, 2011 by SLUDGE SODA

while it was difficult to determine if more time was spent manicuring his afro or his dangler, the kind fella vending santa cruz raspberry lemonade had time to note the overhead passing of a great blue heron. What a great day for skim boarding, I thought. At wreck beach.

But I digress and imagine the great blue heron has become a number one supporter of sludge soda. Not in a foul weather sense – more like the bandstand banter slash anonymous creeper sense. I mean, any given session it is common to have several of these bent-neck fools gliding, swooping and seemingly observing the scene. Do these birds even have the mental capacity to understand our bizarre water dances? Fuct if I know. They got their own glide thang going on and I have finally stepped back `nuff to notice.

Next week we interview a double-crested Cormorant and discuss the merits of bacon grease candles.